Sour Lemons.

So I decided to log into YSCEC one last time and to my surprise, I realised that my CCG professor (the one with the 12-hour exams) had actually sent our individual class participation grades through the instant messaging service a few weeks back. I do think I've mentioned previously that class participation is entirely done through peer evaluation and this time round, amazingly, my class participation grade is almost at the very bottom of the class! I didn't think it was possible for it to drop any further but it did!

Woohoo! **** them all! All this for a class in which I had made it a point to participate actively in (it was part of a self-improvement challenge) and for which I had done most of my weekly readings. This simply leaves me speechless. There were so many other people who didn't even speak up that much (much less done their readings) and one of my fellow classmates definitely spoke much lesser (read less too, that I know for a fact) and yet, she's probably among the top few students? I know that I don't speak as assertively as she does - my guess as to why they remember the few occasions on which she spoke up - my voice's probably not that memorable as well but hey, someone should have been kinder and dropped me a memo to inform me that they're grading fluffing abilities! I mean, then I would have caught up on sleep or went out to play more instead of burying my nose in the mountain of readings! If participating actively and getting cold called all the time ain't count for nuffin', then heck it! After the mid-term grades were released, the professor did say that the quality (of participation) was not a problem so I pushed myself to speak up more in the subsequent half of the semester. Despite that, my grade just plummeted further (if grades can go through the roof, my class participation grades probably smashed through the lithosphere into the molten core of earth - that's how bad it was). As for the professor.. thank you so much for the anxiety and agony caused through the incessant cold calling. Not that I have to earn your recognition, or anyone else at that, but.. (shrugs) (continues flipping da table)

It's not really the grades that matter. Personally, I am glad that I've managed to improve my class participation (judged against my very objective internal standards, of course) and that I am no longer as reluctant to volunteer answers or raise questions in class (although I find that even when in Korea, I still prefer 1-on-1 Q&A sessions with the professors). Rather, it's the fact that my effort has gone unnoticed and unappreciated that sucks big time. It's like.. working very, very hard for something, only to find out in the end that the reward has been given to the slacker in the company. I'm definitely not working hard for these people's recognition (ugh, don't make me sick) but it would have been nice to receive some form of acknowledgement for trying so hard. Oh well.

That said, I have learnt quite a few valuable lessons from this experience. I'll continue to work on certain issues and ensure that history will never repeat itself again.

End of rage.