不要踐踏他人的真心

When I was younger, I used to think that friends were insignificant because too many people were unreliable, insincere and destructive to the self. Friends who don't stay, friends who don't mean what they say and then there are the friends who step on you to get their own way - they sneak into our lives under the guise of friendship and shamelessly wreck everything thereafter. People, humans. Beings born with the innate ability to hurt others and knock down people and things in their path. Beings who can love as much as they destroy but where few can withstand the temptation to do the latter. (after all, it's so much easier than the former) Friends, acquaintances, strangers, enemies - sometimes, we can't even tell them apart.

These days, I find myself getting reminded of my thirteen year old self. Far too frequently for my liking. 

I have friends whom I love dearly but as for some of the rest.. I sometimes wish they had never stopped by in my life to start with; perhaps then, they would never have the chance to leave regrets and bitterness in another's life. Sure enough, life would be less colourful but I'm sure some people could deal with (even invite) less drama in their lives. Why does the thought suddenly ring (so) true now (actually it has always been true innit ahaha just that I had shelved it away in such a deep and far corner, it surprises me when I stumble upon it)? After hearing friends' stories on how they regularly ignore text messages and intentionally leave them unanswered for a certain period of time or forever (some of them occurring in a slightly different context which could justify the lack of replies), I started to think about my interactions with other friends. I've never entertained the thought that any of my friends would intentionally ignore (or in colloquial language, 'dao') my texts/messages - and I don't mean late replies due to legit reasons - because it's simply not a nice way to think about them, I would even say it's offensive to think of them as such. Additionally, since I have done absolutely nothing to them that would warrant or justify such a response, I'm like, "why would anyone do that (to anyone else)?" If someone asks you a question in person and you wish to avoid a conversation, you would at the very least respond instead of walking away right? Even when people I dislike text me to ask about things, I wouldn't put off a reply for days because it's the most basic form of respect for the other (and to me, respect is everything). I recognise that this is yet another case of unfulfilled expectations - darn these expectations but hey, whatever happened to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"! - in any case, after careful observation wowzer, is it appalling to find out that I'm at the receiving end of two particular persons' intentional 'dao-ness'. It's kinda baffling, really. For instance, if one doesn't intend to reply after throwing out a "how are you" question then hellloooooo, please don't ask in the first place because 1) You aren't gonna reply; and 2) I didn't ask for you to ask, did I?! 3) You can't be chummy one day and ice cold the next. It makes me feel a bit like, you siao isit? Then again, I'm thankfully way past feeling hurt or anything (a precondition of invoking said emotion would require that I care for you) so it just came as a nasty and rude shock. We stand as equals in a conversation. It's not like I need you to survive (warning to self: it's dangerous whenever anyone finds that they can't live without another) so fine by me and it gon' be tit for tat. 

If this is what social interaction is like - inconsistent and potentially heartbreaking - I'm pretty sick of people then? 

A more interesting bit that I got from girls' talk though, was how being too quick to reply and always being 'out there' for friends could end up being counterproductive, with the friend becoming a person who was taken for granted far too easily by others. (which explains why she has since changed her strategy/tactic and holy moomoo cow, it worked!) Guess what? I actually agree with her. After listening to her story, I think I actually went through the same thing in junior college eeks. The walls were high enough and now, you guys wanna add on to them?! However, it makes me wonder.. Acting coy and playing hard to get - is that really the only or best way to maintain social relationships? It wouldn't hurt to try but.. (sigh) it doesn't come naturally to me and  it goes against one of my core values. The bright side is that it's a good form of self-protection though because the pulling-pushing game ensures that the parties involved always maintain a safe distance. And nowadays, safety first!

That said, it's not thaaat important a matter right now so let's just hibernate for now haha ^^ and stay away from these unpredictable beings.