And fly away, I did.
I wasn't just gloomy and listless - I felt lifeless. I was out with my mum to shop for shoes (for commencement and work gah) but I was practically dragging my weary, reluctant body around the mall. In the few times I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrors, I thought to myself that this girl has to be the most sullen person the shopkeepers have seen in a day. I didn't realise until much later that I was also clenching my fists the whole time as I tried to keep my emotions under control (which I think I did a pretty good job of anyway). It didn't help that the mall was crawling with people - it felt almost as if the entire Jurong population had descended on the mall and there were people, people everywhere. The crowd in NTUC was far worse; I got so frustrated and irritated with the long queues and how it was inching along at a snail's pace, I almost burst into tears while waiting. That's a first (and hopefully the last). I only had $3.70 worth of items but I ended up queuing close to what felt like half an hour (or an eternity) to make payment. I could have just ditched the items on the shelves and left the queue - boy, I really had an impulse to thrash the shelves and bite someone.. that was how angsty I was - but my mum was busy elsewhere so I had to do something to occupy my time. It really got on my nerves though.. how my mum always seemed to be occupied with something else, especially her phone. If your company for the day is just going to be on his/her phone half the time, I don't really see the point in going out together. This is what they call: 人在, 心不在.
Live in the moment, appreciate the people who are by your side, give them the time and respect they deserve. (Friends who are on their phones the whole time during gatherings - I'm not too interested in meeting them these days) Anyway, I'm aware that those negative feelings were amplified many times over yesterday so.. I don't plan on taking them seriously.
It's also tough when nobody gets what I'm experiencing. My mum probably thought I was just being super emo (of my own choice) and didn't do anything to make it better. Then again, I'm sorry that she had to witness the stupid mood swing - shopping with a low-spirited, lethargic person has got to be exhausting for her too.. and it prolly spoiled any shopping mood. (sigh) In my defence, I tried my very best not to let my mood affect others so.. (shrugs) go easy on me..
Anyway, mood swings are just crazy. C.r.a.z.y. If one's on the happy side, all's fine, the world's great and life's fantastic! However, the minute the pendulum swings to the other extreme, even if there is no reason to be sad/upset that very moment, it's as if the world has turned topsy-turvy and that nothing seems right in the world anymore. One feels depressed for no good reason. And to make things worse, it doesn't stay that way for long. Hah. Sadness attracts more sadness. These nasty lil monsters. Before long, one will find oneself being swarmed by all the reasons in the world to be sad. I.. totally feel for all those ladies (and their partners) who have to go through this on a monthly basis.
In any case, I'm just glad that yesterday's over and done with.
(I think I need a movie haha)
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