Tonight

My flight's in 24 hours.


Wow.


I'm not really sure what I'm feeling right now but it could possibly be a mixture of anxiety, fear, apprehensiveness, sadness and bittersweet excitement (not sure if I'm feeling the last one correctly). It's not so much the independent living that scares me- it's recognition of the fact that my family will not be with me in the same country and this unsettles me greatly. I know that I am going to miss them so badly - I'm going to miss going grocery shopping with my mum, going to the movies and karaoke with my sister and going for dinners with my dad, just to name a few - and to be quite honest, I'm not sure how I should be dealing with these emotions. It just feels really, really strange (for lack of a better word since I can't describe the feeling) and awkward to have all these different emotions bubbling inside me and I feel.. helpless? I know that it will eventually turn out to be an amazing experience but for now, it feels surreal. It's almost as if I'm in denial. I desire the exchange experience so much and yet, my mind is unwilling to stay apart from my family for 5 months. (takes a deep breath) 5 months is a really, really long time.

Let's just hope that I will not dissolve into a teary mess later tonight. It's certainly not that I'm ashamed of bawling due to me missing my family (I miss my friends too but more on that later) - I actually feel reassured to know that I have such a strong attachment to them - simply that.. it might get quite troublesome to cart a miserable, sobbing self off to the airplane. Then again, it would be extremely odd indeed if I do not display any sign of emotions (which is quite likely to happen). What is thisssss- (flips table) hahah

I'm just.. (shrugs) like this. Since a couple of years ago, I think I've lost the ability to emote properly and on the occasions that I do, it's either very subdued (explains the usual unintentional poker face) or the complete opposite - think gushing river of tears or godzilla-proportioned rage hahaha

On an utterly random note, why does 'polka face' come to  mind when I think of 'poker face'? It's a pretty grotesque mental image.. gah. D:

In any case, know that I will miss you all a lot, bunny!

Skype/Linechat/Whatsapp everyday if we have to (yes, we do!) and I promise- it will almost be as if I haven't left for Korea. Hug the lil Monkey when you miss me, alright? <3

Signing off for now and going to have lunch!

Note: I have no idea how I'm going to split my time among my three blogs yet but at least until school starts, I'll post daily on Spring(ing) in(to) Seoul! So check back daily! *\(^____^)/*