台灣之旅

我也好想要輕鬆愉快地和朋友們一起遊玩台灣，不過事實證明這並不是個容易辦到的一件事。你硬要把蘋果和草莓拿來相比，我也拿你沒輒 - 不過請別擅自做決定影響到別人，有公德心一點好嗎。

我不喊累，不抱怨，不代表我不累或者我很開心。我這個人啊，不善於表達自己的感覺⋯ 這是眾人所知的。想要察覺我喜歡你、討厭你、生你氣、對你失望、厭煩的不得了等感覺⋯其實沒能察覺才是「正常」的反應。因為從我的言行舉止⋯ 就是不容易看出我的情緒到底是什麼。當我說我累的時候，就算沒有表現得沒氣沒力的，我是很認真的。你累我也會累呀。我也是人，我也沒睡多少，所以不要把我的話當作是玩笑，不把它當作一回事。

我是較屬於「照顧別人，不喜歡露出自己軟弱一面」的類型，不過偶爾可以被其他人體貼照顧，有誰會不要呢？是人多會要吧⋯ （苦笑）我是不習慣輕易接受別人的幫助（因為我深信我必須做個獨立有主見的年輕人、新時代女性）但那不代表我是超人，不等於情緒可以被輕視。

嗨⋯最慘的是，這裡的食物⋯怎麼是這種程度（難吃）啊。

（大家如果能多體諒其他人，這旅途應該會快樂許多吧。）

Incredibly crowded, extremely noisy.

Mini blogpost whilst I sit here and escape from the noise and chatter of the crowd (crowd-phobia is getting worse as I grow older lol). I've bought most of the things I need for my trip already - going over to Wisma in a bit for one more item - and wow/gah (hahah undecided) can't believe I'm flying to Taiwan tomorrow! I'm totally not looking forward to waking up at an unearthly hour (again!) tomorrow for my flight. Sigh.. Why did I choose such an early flight?! And to think that the journey will be such a long one D: haha my flight's 2 hours earlier than my friends but I reach Taiwan slightly later than them. From the December experience, the journey will be a long and tedious one! Anyway, really hoping that it will not be a crowded flight and that the seats next to me will be unoccupied :P so I can be as comfortable as I want to heh! I chose an aisle seat for the first flight (cos of my claustrophobic tendencies, especially when sitting with strangers) and a window seat for the second flight (at least I get to do some cloud-gazing) but I hope all the adjacent seats will be unoccupied! First time flying solo to another country so I'm feeling kinda nervous and anxious.. No one to sayang me if I puke hahaha (best if this doesn't happen of course!) I'm also not sure how the travelling experience with the friends will turn out too :0

On a random note, I seriously dislike my hairstyle (though the problem is that there is no style..) a lot now! I asked for my fringe and the frizzy ends to be trimmed but my uncle took the liberty and chopped off almost half the original length... ㅠ.ㅠ Now it's short, less manageable (oh the horror of the frizz) and much more difficult to style because of the awkward length. Kyaaa! 

Alright, enough rest. Time to scoot to Wisma!

Fast and Furious 7 [Family is Forever]

There is never goodbye when it comes to family. It's been one hell of a ride with you, Brian O'Connor. Thank you for the good times and may you be happy wherever you are right now. (may your daughter be blessed - I wish the best for her)

(I'm not ashamed to say that I cried during the ending scenes and hey - a grown man next to me was sobbing too! (that comforted me greatly aha)) 

Yawns.

Ack, my back hurts. I was so preoccupied with dealing with the scratches/bruises at the back of my knees, I forgot that I had fallen on my back and that it would be natural for it to hurt.

Anyway, today has been a really unproductive day (in terms of work) but who cares! Hahaha \o/ I was supposed to start on my research paper today or at the very least, decide on a topic but... (exaggerated sweeping hand motion) distractions, distractions, everywhere! More significantly, I couldn't sleep last night so efficiency/productivity levels were l-o-o-o-o-w-w. I must have been really tired today (I say, 'must have been' because I didn't feel the exhaustion but a pretty bad headache set in mid-day) because I slept like a baby from 4.30pm to 7.30pm. A 3-hour nap! Achievement unlocked!

I haven't been feeling well since yesterday too - which sucks - so looking forward to a better, healthier and more feel-good tomorrow!

Anyway, some things to get settled by Friday:

• Taiwan packing list (oh, and buy a pair of formal shoes!!)
• Register on SILE site (and submit documents...)
• Decide on a research topic and start writing something, anything hahah
• Flight check-in on Friday morning, decide on leisure options during the long journey to Taiwan
• Confirm itinerary for places outside Taipei, confirm route to hotel
• Settle transport to TaoYuan airport (return flight to Singapore) - a lil scared of taking a cab on my own early in the morning so let's consider taking the subway...
• Think about when I can finally give the two professors their long overdue 'thank you' cards D:

Am I excited about the Taiwan trip? Kinda.. and kinda not too (laughs) I'm always excited about visiting new places but I guess it's just happening too quickly! Exams ended a couple days ago and we're already jetting off to Taiwan this Sunday! Whoa, slow down man! I haven't had much family time or time to myself so.. it would be a lie if I say that the rushed schedule hasn't been disorienting or overwhelming. 

Then again, the past few days have been real enjoyable and memorable. Met up with the bestie at my house (at my house!! *screams*), had the first wedding planning meeting with the sister's friends, met up with the law girls in school for the obligatory graduation shots (not gonna forget the malu fall anytime soon) and oh, the post-conflicts chat was awesome too (talking about love (or lack thereof), life, sociology and legal theory and philosophy hahaha)! I smiled and laughed a lot over the past few days, prolly more than I did in the past 2-3 weeks (: which is good!

I have a few upcoming social events that I'm not too eager about though.. I'm meeting my Korean buddy (she's lovely and all that but... I still hardly know anything about her) before she leaves and I foolishly suggested/promised to go visit an ice cream place with a friend. Fat Cat is famous for its charcoal waffle drizzled with salted yolk sauce so it's a must-try.. but if we have to eat it (and I must eat it because Fat Cat is all the way in far-flung Bedok and I'm not gonna leave without trying their specialty).. that means we will have to share the ice cream on the waffle. We could cut the waffle up but who cuts up a scoop of ice cream?! (weeps) hahaha Those who've known me for a long time would know that I don't (or dislike to) share food like ice cream, yoghurt or anything watery/sticky/meltable... so how? Thankfully, he hasn't contacted me about the ice cream outing yet so I can pretend I don't know anything about it. XD

I also told yet another friend a few months back that I would treat him to ice cream (because he wanted ice cream) - why does it always have to be ice cream haha - but fortunately, this cafe doesn't have waffles. And I doubt the treat is gonna happen soon.. which isn't altogether an unpleasant thought.. because I don't like awkward ice cream eating experiences teehee :P

Speaking of desserts, patbingsu places are springing up like wild mushrooms in Singapore! I'm gonna try O'ma Bingsu at Marina Square this Thursday and I'm hoping I can bring my sister to BingGoJung this Saturday night or something! The latter's really good ^_^)b and surprisingly affordable at the same time. Two thumbs up for being delicious and yet, not too pricey! I'm not a dessert-person (and neither do I have a separate stomach for desserts and sweets) but bingsu? I'm up for that anytime!

It's been a long journey and I'm glad we all made it to the finishing line together.

Last exam in my university life!

Looking forward to the hermit life, for the next few days at least (smiles).

One exam left!

I wish I were an exchange student right now.

Hah, then the exam would be graded on a pass/fail basis and I can stop being angsty over it. I admit that time management was especially poor this round but in my defense, there was really too little time..! I had 90 minutes for 2 essay questions (20 minutes reading time but I spent an extra 10 minutes feeling confused about which question to pick because I wasn't particularly confident about any - sigh, so much for the revision) so that works out to 45 mins/question. I ended up with a 60-35 divide (heavy sigh) because I got stuck when answering the first question. That I ended up wasting so much time on a question I prepared for..? Laughable. Joke. I had the relevant points listed down on my notes(!) but I simply didn't know how to use them to answer the question - it's always the how-to-start-writing stage that gobbles up all the time. It's peculiar how this "writer's block" has been occurring mainly in the last 2 semesters but.. aiya, what to do. When the words refuse to come, they just don't come. And so, precious time flapped their wings and flew away without even a second (pitiful) glance at the troubled writer, leaving this writer with clearly inadequate time for the second question. Coupled with the fact that I didn't know how to answer the question- cues doomsday music.

In hindsight, I should have chosen another question that was much easier to answer but like I said.. this thought only occurred to me post-exam (more specifically, the thought hit me after I packed my bags and went to the washroom, oww) so.. one word: SIAN.

I'm prolly not going to get a good grade for the exam (sad mokie face) which is gonna drag my overall grade down. Ah. All that effort.

Then again, on the bright side (why does it still look gloomy here), after the past week of intensive revision, I can say that I've learnt quite a bit on the subject. And if the learning process, not the result, is what matters - then it's isn't too bad, I suppose?

I shall go buy some salad to cheer myself up :D

Heh, salad craving since Monday.

It's Holland V already! Time to alight!

Sleep Deprived

Year 4, Week 15 Monday: I find out that it's not only possible to survive on 2 hours of sleep, it's also doable to go for an exam after that!

Walking zombie, that was what I felt like when I walked (or zombied) through the concourse to the Admin building. When I made my way to the Biz building after that, trudging against the wind felt as if.. I was lugging a tonne of weights behind me. I'm not sure what caused the sleepless night (the mind stubbornly refused to call it a night and my thoughts were all over the place) but boy, it has gotta to count among the nastiest feelings around. Morning felt surreal. I was awake but I wasn't alert in the least. Haha in hindsight, it was kinda funny how I had to peer real closely at the question paper for the MCQ section lest I accidentally selected the wrong option - which is a real possibility when the mind isn't focusing.

Random Word of the day: Gauche (unsophisticated and socially awkward)

Funny, how it is.

People may laugh if I say I'm incredibly stressed.

(but you know what, I am)

This race isn't over until you're at the finishing line.

(it's how well you finish it that counts)

Till then, please don't let your guard down,

(all it takes is a second to bring it all down)

Follow me,

Run like your life depends on it,

(because it does.)

心情

周杰倫【楓 官方完整MV】

我已经不再喜欢你了。

My sociological imagination fills me with pessimism.

Every single day, I am reminded that I am a product of the family institution, the education institutions I've been through and larger structural forces which I find quite out of my control. Individual free will and effort - do they even count for anything? Can the the solitary individual go against the tide and still survive in this socially constructed world we see around us?

I am sickened to hear about another's extreme aversion to risk (and attempts to impose it on me), frustrated to be confronted by another's unwillingness to listen to the opinions of others (and have to suffer from the intolerance of others) and angered by my own inability to change things. I recognise that we are all victims of society.. but what use is this quality of mind if it doesn't help to empower people? We speak of the sociological imagination as if it's a desirable quality that everyone should endeavour to possess but.. to be honest, it just makes people feel more trapped than ever. Rather than inspire social change, people will feel resigned to their fates, trapped by society.

Gaining heightened awareness about the things happening around me.. it's regrettable to say this but such a state of consciousness has only left me feeling more burdened than before.

If mishandled, this awareness/self-consciousness could lead one down very destructive paths, not unlike a particular blogger/Youtuber whom I berated recently on another social media platform. Whilst I still fully condemn his actions (child or not, his actions were the result of conscious, deliberate intent, at least from what I gathered from a couple of his blog posts), I find it impressive that he attained such a high level of awareness at the tender age of 15 or 16. He is an exceptional youth in that he has the ability to see the bigger picture and visualize the links between biography and history/society but unfortunately, he forgets that he too is human and that he is equally vulnerable to bias and prejudice (which is why he thinks everything he does is correct and justified). Logic is powerful but not when it's used in irrational ways.

On a brighter note, I'm done with my last presentation in university! \o/ After pulling a week of all-nighters (darn those papers and projects), I can finally sleep like a baby tonight :D... ZzZzzzZ